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I can see Uranus

Horrible planet Uranus

Horrible planet Uranus

Horrible gimp 101

Gimp 101

The best gimp knows it needs to move from chump to chimp as soon as that mask goes on. It’s no good complaining of being bored down in that cellar when really a good gimp should use this time alone to contemplate how best to remain eager and flexible both of mind and body. A little contemplation fortunately goes a long way. Empty your mind and your ass will follow. It’s worth noting at this juncture in your training that an empty mind can lead to a full ass and this needs to be trained for… hard. A gimp with a tail secured deep within his dark black hole is a, err, position to aspire to.

When in doubt think what would an organ grinder’s monkey do? The gimp dance is the dance of devotion. Nimble, selfless, obedient. Always ready to perform for the amusement of its Mistress. That’s the secret to premier gimping.

Look to Buddha for the way of the gimp. Empty your mind and open up Uranus. Be one with the desires and needs of your Mistress and fulfillment will surely follow. The true gimp remembers only one thing when the mask goes on…

Like Buddha, consciousness is to be eradicated and subsumed by the will of your Mistress. Your feeble gimp mind fortunately is shaped by thousands of years of evolution (gimpvolution as it’s commonly known) to be an empty vessel into which Mistress pours her Horrible intent. Your body is Mistress Horrible’s very own marionette. Dance for your Mistress on the end of her leash. Embrace the mask for it shows your true face… you are Mistress Horrible’s devoted chimp-gimp. So, no more monkeying about, embrace your ascetic life, and get on with the humiliating show for Mistress Horrible. For she is your Buddha. Your path of awakening now leads only to her pleasure and your body is her faceless playground. How lucky you are gimp. You have found your way home.

Gimp 101 via Simon

Horrible truth about gimping and hapiness

Most human gimps have the capacity for self-awareness and self-questioning. Even my horrible gimp has an ability to ponder the meaning of existence once in a while. Sooner or later the gimp asks himself: am I happy? Am I happy to be living like this? Am I a happy gimp?

Most of human happiness depends on external circumstances or internal conditions. Same thing goes for gimping. The gimp might be blessed with material plenty, but yet be deeply disturbed. Everything comes to an end and feeling of unhappiness will undoubtedly resurface.

So what can you do to become a happy gimp? The short answer is: nothing.

You cannot become a happy gimp – you must simply be a happy gimp. Gimping is the only way where you can be happy in the moment. Gimping = Happiness.


Horrible truth about work

All work is essentially prostitution. You work to get money. The only reason you need money is to get sex, you are working for sex, and therefore all work is prostitution. Check out my new church – I think this is going to be my new horrible religion. All others are clearly failing us.

Horrible wild man comic strip from 14th century

Staying with the wild man theme… Here is something really unusual – an illustrated story about  a wildman and a maiden who was left  to deal with wild things  in the woods .  ¡Ay, caramba!

This peculiar  hairy gimp comic strip illuminated manuscript from 14th century is now in the British Library, called The Knight, the Wild Man, & the Ungrateful Maiden and it’s amazing. It starts with these four scenes:

Ci vount les damoyseles au boys dedure.
Ci vient le Wodewose et ravist lun des damoyseles coillaunt des fleurs.
Ci porte il la damoysele en ses bras.
Ci vient enyas un viel chivaler et rescout la damoysele.

Which means:

Here come the damsels into the woods.
Here comes the wildman and ravishes one of the damsels picking flowers.
Here he carries off the damsel in his arms.
Here comes Enyas, an old knight, and rescues the damsel.

What a hot mess!  I can only hope that old knight  got something that night . Here is the real low down.

The Knight, the Wild Man, & the Ungrateful Maiden

The Knight, the Wild Man, & the Ungrateful Maiden, illuminated manuscript, 14th century

Very innocent and sweet little story. Or is it?  I wonder what really happened. Guessing we will never know for sure.

Horrible wild man

The wild man (or wild man of the woods – a subhuman race known for their untamed passions) is described as a large bearded man whose entire body was covered in curly hair. He wore no articles of clothing, and carries with him a large wooden club. Some additional descriptions of the wild man say that only the feet were not covered with thick hair. Charming.

 late 15th century tapestry from Basel

Late 15th century tapestry from Basel, "virtuous woman"

It is really kind of unusual and cool late 15th century tapestry from Basel. Wildman captured and tamed by some virtuous lady.  Looks like someone got caught naked in the woods and appears desperate, not having any choice but to be used in whatever way most pleases his virtuous lady. No one can say definitely whether it is a man or some other hypothetical being or just a shy creature that probably smells very bad during and after encounter…One thing is clear, she needs to shave his ass and put him to work.


Tribute to My Horrible Gimp

I have a lot of gimps. But one of them is very special to me. He is my personal horrible social media gimp.

His horrible gimp code name is SGL. Few people know what this stands for. Those that do, understand why this horrible gimp must be kept secret. Everyone else shall know SGL as my horrible social media gimp.

Gimp face with zipper mouth

SGL is super fantastic. He is the gimpiest most fabulous creature ever to walk Urantia. He loves squash, zucchini, cucumber, and banana. He also likes grapes, avocado, and mango.

Horrible Green Vegetable

SGL made his Horrible Mistress terribly sad when he moved away last year, so now he must work extra hard to keep his Mistress satisfied. He knows how much it saddens Horrible Me and so occasionally this horrible gimp sends tweets on behalf of Ms. Horrible. He also tumbles now and then for his Horrible and even uses G+ too, although not nearly as much as I would desire.

That’s ok though. All the more punishment and torture for him next time he is in my Cell.

This horrible gimp better not be taking advantage of his Mistress’s absence or he shall be severely ravished for his crime.